For most of my teenage years, I sported the infamous side fringe. It was a security thing. I didn't like how unsymmetrical my face was. When I was thirteen, I begged for GHDs, and when I got them my best friend and I would spend each morning straightening the back of our hair, making sure there were no kinks, making sure the ends were curved in properly and not sticking straight down or out. Friday nights before youth group and my bedroom was a sauna, whatever the weather. If it was a special occasion, I would curl my hair, and I thought I looked amazing. Anything to transform myself from the natural flow of how my hair actually fell after washing and drying it. I was sure my hair was frizzy, kinky, and I had to mask that to make sure no one saw how ugly I was.
I don't know what changed, but when I got a bit older, my hair stopped being like that. Or maybe I stopped being like that. I grew out my fringe because it was too much effort and I didn't really like how it looked. I stopped reaching for my GHDs every day. It's funny to think that how my hair is now is exactly how I wished it could have been when I was thirteen. It's straight, it's smooth, soft and shiny. The ironic thing is, though, is that my hair is not what is 'desirable' in the beauty and fashion industry anymore. Now it's all about the naturally wavy, curly, effortless mess. That's what's 'sexy'. That's what's 'cool.'
But my hair isn't like that. It's dead straight. It's thick but it's flat, and it's pretty boring, plain, and like a lot of other people's hair. It's nothing special, it's just hair. But it's mine, and no one else has my hair. So what's the point in trying to make it something it's not? I stopped dying it a couple of years ago because it was too expensive to maintain, but it's a choice I am glad I made because I am in love with its natural colour.
I used to hate my hair, and sometimes I still do. It seems like a superficial thing to blog about, but hair is personal and I don't think I'm the only girl in the world to feel protected by it. Hair is beautiful, but it doesn't define you, your beauty, or your worth.