You make me brave – Momentum 2014

Last year I had a wake up call. 

When everything in your life changes – the norm gets taken away from you, and a black wave of depression sucks you into its deep, dark mass – there feels as if there's no escape.

But I found one. And it wasn't through 'finding myself', or going travelling, or getting a boyfriend, or partying and having a good time with people, or doing what I wanted to do, or what I thought I should be doing.

My way back to life was through Jesus. He brought me back from the darkness and things are slowly getting clearer, lighter. When I thought I knew what made me happy, when I thought that my ideas were better than His, I was actually bolting towards this inevitable drop, where I would be faced with all the weaknesses I knew were bubbling up underneath my 'know-it-all' surface.

It was a huge shock, and one I didn't know how to deal with. I was depressed, lost, alone and absolutely no one knew what I was going through, I was sure of it. But in hindsight, it's easier to change that perspective. At the time it was a huge struggle.

I remember my best friend, Bethan, asking me if I wanted to go to Momentum last year, but I was visiting my Grandpa in Scotland. Even then I knew it would be good for me to go – to get back on the right track. It took a lot of persuading for me to realise I needed God back in my life, but one day I just decided it was the right thing and I started going to church again, to life group, rebuilding my faith. It really was a, I-woke-up-one-day-and-changed-my-mind, sort of thing. Or maybe God did,



You might remember I had some time off work in August, and it was the most relaxing break – just perfect. Having time off from your usual routine gives you a chance to just live, not worry about being on time or looking smart or meeting deadlines. All of that can get in the way of God, so it was a good time to go to Momentum, and this year I arranged to visit family in Scotland in July, so I was able to go, and I had the best time. I met up with two of my oldest friends, Holly and Chloe, and I also bumped into Hebe from T.K.O.W which was the nicest surprise ever – she is so beautiful, and her blog is just brilliant.

Sometimes I feel anxious about things that no one else would even think twice about, but all of my anxiety was put to one side for those five days spent camping with my friends and spending time with God, and even though those same struggles were there when I returned home, I felt confident that the break had done me good.

Going to Momentum isn't going to sort out all your problems, because you can meet with and talk to God at any place, any time. It doesn't have to be in a big tent with lots of expensive lighting and sound and a worship band which resembles something more of a pop band. But the teaching, sharing, witnessing and socialising all made it a worthwhile experience, and it was so good to just cut myself off from the outside world and refocus on what is really important in life.

I bought a Bible when I was at Momentum. Have I read it since I got back? Nope. But it's on my chest of drawers, next to my bed, my bunny night light perched on its cover, waiting for me anytime I find a moment in between revision, long shifts at work, posting blogs and seeing friends. God doesn't count the times you pray, read His word or do things right or wrong. He is constant, and even though I am not – for I am an imperfect human being – I am grateful that I have a way to combat all my fears and failures, no matter how much they used to dominate my life.

Momentum is a Christian festival run by a church called Soul Survivor in Watford. You can find out more about it here.